Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
