im having a threesome with these popsicles
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
