its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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