Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
