he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
