I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
