He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
