my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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