I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
