I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
