What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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