So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
