If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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