You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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