I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
