if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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