I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
