hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She announced her abortion via fbk
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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