Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it glows. i had to have it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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