Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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