How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
