i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
