she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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