I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
