should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
