Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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