I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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