Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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