I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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