He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Floor bacon is actually really good
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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