The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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