ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
