Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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