so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
