So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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