i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
