I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
