if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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