"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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