Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
