I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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