some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
