Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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