my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
