Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
