I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
