I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
