bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
