I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
