I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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