So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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