I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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