I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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