I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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