You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize