How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
