Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
