you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
