U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
