Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
