I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
