I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
