my mouth tastes like poor choices
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
