I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize