I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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