All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
