You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
