we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
