Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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