I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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