I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
