whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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