You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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