so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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