handjob tips. give me some.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done