I wish you could order shots online.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
