I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.