i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
