dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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