Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
